Basic But Not Easy

So I'm working with some pretty basic skills here.

• Asking for help.


• Comforting myself.


• Nurturing myself.


• Not using the healing process in my normal bull headed, full steam ahead 'til I drop fashion.

This is not easy. It is not even easy to look at. Back up. Okay. What have I eliminated that is not really necessary? A LOT. I have been in a crisis on and off (mostly on) for a year. I have managed to function. Which means that I have already figured out that I have to prioritize my life. I have. I have cut out a lot of stuff that I jsut could not manage to do and function on any level. I AM a survivour. I've figured that out. And I have asked for help. a lot of help, really. Which is not easy. My whole body relaxes into the task of helping others. Try it. Come to me with a really devastaing problem, or even a little one. I will relax and breathe and help you figure out what it is you need to do. On a bad day I might even do some of the things you need and are able to do for yourself for you. This, people, is my forte. I am a living breathing Dear Abby. But I relax into these tasks because I don't have to think about or work on me while I am fixing you. I know.

So, the Universe decided for me that I need to change that and brought things front and centre that I could not avoid doing something about. She's like that. I even asked Her to be like that. I even said I trust Her and have turned my will and my life over to Her. Things happen when you do that. Big things. But they can't be forced.

Three times over the last 24 hours I have had people tell me *don't rush this*. Okay. I hear You. I'm just trying to *lean into my pain* (Pema Chodron). But it's okay to lean back out and catch my breath. I'm not stopping. I'm just catching my breath.