every day

I already posted over at isurvive.org.uk so you will be spared the grisly details (if anyone reads this).
I went to therapy today and ranted. Rambled. Just went on and on. I thought there was no purpose to it but it would seem that this was not so. After therapy I was just kinda numb. I met friends for a meal and went to a meeting. After eating was when I realized I was just numb. Okay. Busy. I jsut tried to become conscious of my body. So, there I am sitting at a meeting and the flashbacks started. Not really much I could do about it. So, naturally, being me, I pretend all is well. But what was really going on was that I was having flashbacks of my childhood sexual abuse. Now, the falshbacks themselves are a relif actually. They allow things in my life to make so much more sense.
My mother abused me every day. Every Day. She had set it up (or started when I was so young---or both) that I had no idea it wan't like that for everyone. No idea. No way to form the idea that it might be different for others. And she also set it up so that any screaming or crying I did was attributed to my being a Sarah Bernhardt. I've said that already I think. What was new was that it happened every day.
Except maybe when she was at a pta meeting once. She didn't stay in the pta. Or any other outside pursuit.

She has been pushing my boundaries ever more increasingly since I set up apartments. She showed up at work again even though I told her that was not allowed. And she went into my apartment when I was out with the dogs. When confronted by this she did not seem to understand that this is not okay. No, of course she doesn't. She has no boundaries when it comes to me. I do, and I keep restating them. But tomorrow I will get a new lock. I tried to switch locks but they didn't fit and I didn't have the tools to make it fit.
This all happened in one week.

Probably why I freaked out at therapy. Maybe why the flasbacks came.
From what I understand there could be flashbacks for the rest of my life.

Did you know that a child is abused in America every 42 seconds. Yep. Seconds. More than one a minute.