feelings, facts, fun

Well, actually there wasn't much *fun*. Useful, yes. fun, well....


I mentioned I was avoiding writing? Well, I decided I might as well do it sooner rather than later. So I cast a circle, yes, I have learned some things, and started writing. Um, 12 pages later...I was furious. Not only that but, oddly I was jealous of people I don't even know for having, so I suppose, things that I don't have. No, not tangible things. (Language is not my friend right now)

but relationships I assume I do not have, no I have not tested that theory. I got pissed off at G for posting about someone else having a bad day and maybe someone should call her...Hey! call me! (but when he saw me this morning I was fine)

I got pissed at L because I assume she is busy. No, I did not call or email or anything. I just made an assumption. Oh yeah. My anger fed itself and grew and attached itself to anything it could think of. And it is pretty damn creative.
And angry is a lonely place cause

I don't know why.

So, back to circle. Okay. Fucking help me out here! (this is called *prayer* sometimes.

So, here is where I am and here is hurt and angry and sad. It's not L's fault or G's fault or any of the other people I wanted to be all pissed off at. While the Goddess was gentle and comforting nothing has actually changed. I'm still sad, really sad. A sad so deep there are no tears. That would actually be helpful. Cause at this point I think I am only *safe* with the Divine. Otherwise...things could go badly. Okay, so I am assuming again that no one in human form can witness my rage, hurt, sadness. Okay. I'm afraid to find out.



I watched a guy at the meeting this morning. He had his daughter with him. Maybe 4 years old. He was so gentle with her. Like she was made of thin glass. It hurt just to watch and yet it was a beautiful thing to behold.

It hurt to have my face washed, it hurt to have my hair combed, it hurt to be given a bath. What must it be like to be touched so gently?