Damn! This is one depressing blog! I just read over my posts from January til now . Fuck. Really, I'm not that miserable. I must pour all my misery into this blog. Oh well, let it rest here.

Here, I'll try to lighten things up with a little (twisted) tale from school today: I got locked in the outdoor equipment shed! I was in there getting a frisbee and the door swung too and the latch caught. It wasn't really locked but it wouldn't open either. I called another teacher on my cell phone and after she stopped laughing she came and let me out. I knew help was on the way because I could hear Carolyn laughing all the way down the path!

Back to my normal fare:
I went to the first Getting Started class at PAAR last night. (Pittsburgh Action Against Rape, rememer?) Well, it was just a lecture but it was both difficult to hear and reassuring and informational. It explained some things. Like the gaps in my memory. Last night's class was on PTSD. I asked the question of what happens if ya find the classes to be too much? the answer? You're not ready. Naturally I was upset by the answer. I heard abandonment in the answer.

I think I'm ready and my therapist thinks I'm ready. He thinks this will be helpful.
Let's hope I can hang on. I only have to go to one more class before I begin the 2-6 week wait for someone to call about counseling.

I'm walking. Just walking and breathing.