My therapist thinks the doll is my hate-filled frozen self and the practises I use to repress stuff (like drinking). But he also said that dream interpretation is subjective. Filled as it is by the myriad of things in the unconscious.
He suggested I ask the doll what she needs/wants. I suggested I through her in the fire. He said I probably don't want to do that because she holds a lot of information.
Okay, talking to her just scare the crap out of me. She's vicious! He said that's because she holds my rage. Can't she just keep it? No, I know. She can't or she'll just keep biting me in my sleep.
I realized today that the dream isn't new. I've been having it since I was a kid. He thinks she popped up because I wanted to drink to stop the feelings. Great. My addiction has a face. It ain't a cute one either.
Looks like there might be some trance work with this doll in my future.
I also asked my therpaist what he thought about me contacting Paar (Pittsburgh Action Against Rape). If he thought it was like having two sponsors or something. Working against getting any real work done. He asked me about the classes I have to take before they'll see me and he thought they were sensible and probably quite useful. They are about trauma and dissociation, self-injury, PTSD and triggers, and anger. He said that it might help get past some of the resistance we keep running into and if they don't do what I expect them to do or they aren't working I can always stop going.
he also mentioned, again, that perhaps I should have called the crisis line. Hmm. And he said to do that if he is not in the office between now and next week. I said okay.
Off to eat dinner. Apparently, not doing so is a form of self-abuse.
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