On being an ass

I was an ass today. You're shocked, I know. But it's true.
I wrote a fourth step yesterday about some difficult stuff for me that has been working on me. I was abusive, just as my troublesome staff person is now only a few years ago. Children really do learn what they live and then that's all I could see. I was not abusive on purpose. I was not even always abusive in ways that our society would say was abusive. but it is. And this whole thing with this staff person and parents wanting her fired caused a bit of a firestorm of fear in ME. Cause that WAS me not that long ago.
Anyway, how was I an ass, you ask? Well, after the fourth step (a searching and fearless moral inventory) there is the fifth step (admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs). So, I called my sponsor and made arrangemnets to tell her the exact nature of my wrongs. At 8:30 on a sunday morning! That's called *going to any lengths*.
Well, she came in and sat down and we talked for a few minutes and she began to play with her phone and ask this girl across the table from us how to download music to a new app she has. And I waited. Cause, bascially, it took all the humility I had just to ask her to listen. I didn't think I could ask her again, or ask to go somewhere else, or whatever. So I didn't. And things went badly from there. See, I assumed that she didn't want to hear what I had to say for whatever reason and then I got angry. I blew up at a different friend because I did not know how to ask my sponsor to do something different. This friend told me I needed to let her (my sponsor) know what was going on. I did eventually. But she never did listen to *the exact nature of my wrongs*. Which leaves me wondering why. Cause that leaves things undone. I'm not good with that. Now I need to find someone else to tell this stuff to and sheesh, it was hard enough the once. Now I will have to get up the courage to do this again. And figure out who.