I live in a toxic house. Okay. I have only recently seen how this is so. It still causes me much confusion, fear, and something else. Possibly guilt. Because I particiapted. Okay. But it was the only thing I've known. all the relationships I have had have followed this model because it was the only model I had. I'm still learning what other models look like.
I want to live peacefully. I want to live in sanity. I want to live where love isn't manipulative or come with strings.
I want that to be in this house where my name is on the deed. Is that my dream. Today it is.
I have to be very careful here because I will slip into my fears and stop dreaming of sanity and love.
My dream includes my two dogs. They are very dear to me. I have never been able to see a way out without losing them and I am not prepared to do that. But that is a fear. I can dream of a different life WITH my dogs.
this has no middle and no end. I guess I just had to get that out. I don't want to live in fear but that too takes time.