writing and talking

So, why do I do this? Well, it helps. It helps me to sort out the flotsam and jetsam in my brain. It helps me to recognise my feelings. Now that I have a few more rather than just anger and indifference. Like longhand writing, typing loosenes something.
Plus, I like the clicking. And I like playing with the colours of the words.

When things are really hard I can't talk or write about them well or skillfully but I do it anyway. Because it is like laying out the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and turning them all over. I get the edges and then I can work on the body.

I had an icident at work yesterday. One of my teachers was crying at my desk when I came in. I asked her what was going on. She had gotten an awful email from her mentally ill mother who is on medication for her mental illness and drinking on top of that. The letter said that her mother did not want to talk to any of her children or get emails from them or talk to them on the phone. It went on for five pages of closely typed attack. and she threatened suicide. This girl knows that she can alert the authorities in her mother's town to that. That was not the issue. The issue was one of repeated abandonment paired with the occaisional presence of a caring parent. Which one will we get today? I know that story. From both my parents. I had the opportunity to share some of my experiences with her and to reassure her that she is not responsible for her mother's choices. they are not a reflection on her.
And another problem we have been having at school was peeled a bit when the teacher said that seh sees her mother in another teacher that she does not get along with. Yes, oh yes. People and events in the present that cause us (me) to overreact are not usually about the present. Sometimes they are triggers for painful experiences from the past that I could not react to at the time. It was not safe. Now it is safe but the situation does not warrent such a strong reaction. That, for me, is a huge clue that the present is pulling on threads from the past.
When we talked and shared what it was like for us it opens a door to trust and compassion.