It Works If You Work It

We say that.  Cause it's true.  So I have started a forth step.  Or a tenth step or whatever ya want to call it.  It's an inventory.  The deal is that if anything disturbs me then there is something *wrong* with me.  And by that I don't necessarily mean that I have done something wrong.  I may have...I may have not.  But what I am looking for are the patterns in my own behaviour that keep me sick.  Sure, sure, I take other people's inventories along the way.  But I try to keep the focus on me.  Their inventories are just entertainment.  Cause they are easier. 
This inventory is all about working out what it looks like when I allow old patterns to be played by a new cast.  This needs to be done because it is just as painful as it has always been but now I get to feel all the feelings that come with the scenes acted by the new cast overshadowed by the scenes acted by old casts.  So the pain is amplified.  It plays out in renewed joint pain.  My body reacts to the betrayals old and new.  I am working on healing the old hurts but I need to learn ways to stop the new ones before they get going.  Am I always going to avoid those scenarios?  No.  Does the new cast wear signs saying they are the new cast in an old play?  no.  But I am learning to hear the lines spoken in a different voice, in different scenes.  Am I am learning to use the pain my body feels as a signal that something is wrong. Very wrong.  For me at least.  Other people are free to live and act however they feel they must.  As am I.  I must honour what hurts me and not allow it to continue. 

I'll keep ya'll posted on the course of the inventory.